Tag Archives: managing conflict

Keep practicing what you have learnt – 4 Tips for Managing Relationship Conflict

They say practice makes perfect, but when it comes to our relationships, we are likely to make mistakes. The key is building awareness and developing skills and practicing those skills: awareness of the ineffective ways we resort to when there is conflict and understanding the physical signs that give us an indication that things are getting heated. Then developing skills to engage more effectively and to practice them over and over to ensure we relate better. Be intentional about how you handle conflict.

The following four strategies from relationship guru John Gottman will help you break patterns of negativity and take a positive approach to solving problems:

4. “Keep practicing what you have learnt”

Once you have learned the techniques of fighting fair, practice them over and over until they become second nature. Your objective is to be able to use these techniques during the heat of a battle instead of resorting to your old, ineffective ways.

Having an argument does not mean that your relationship is in trouble. Disagreements and differences are an inevitable part of life and what matters is how we discuss and solve disagreements.

More tips next week…

Do you need help with an issue or problem? Our approach helps to generate deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations can restore insight and understanding about one another.

Tune in for more tips next week… or contact me Shane Smith shane@intentional-relationship.com or @ www.workofheart.net.www.workofheart.net.au

More tips at Intentional-Relationship.com

Listen and speak in a way that does not engender defensiveness – 4 Tips for Managing Relationship Conflict

Having an argument does not mean that your relationship is in trouble. By listening and speaking in a non-defensive fashion, avoiding criticism you can help foster healthy discussion.

Disagreements and differences are an inevitable part of life but by speaking non-defensively, this positive posture will benefit your relationship. The following four strategies from relationship guru John Gottman will help you break patterns of negativity and take a positive approach to solving problems:

2. “Speak non-defensively”: Listen and speak in a way that does not engender defensiveness but, instead, fosters healthy discussion. “Praise and admiration” are the best weapons to keep negative thoughts at bay.

Empathise. Realise that your partners anger might be an effort to get your attention. Adopt a receptive body posture and an open facial expression. Limit yourself to a specific complaint rather than a multitude of criticisms.

    Try these approaches:

  • “Remove the blame from your comments.”
  • “Say how you feel.”
  • “Don’t criticize your partner’s personality.”
  • “Don’t insult, mock or use sarcasm.”
  • “Be direct.”
  • “Don’t mind-read.”

Take a deep breath and be intentional about your relationship. Break patterns of negativity and take a positive approach to solving problems.

Tip three, next week…

Do you need help with an issue or problem? Our approach helps to generate deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations can restore insight and understanding about one another.

Tune in for more tips next week… or contact me Shane Smith shane@intentional-relationship.com or @ www.workofheart.net.www.workofheart.net.au

More tips at Intentional-Relationship.com

 

Break patterns of negativity and take a positive approach to solving problems – 4 Tips for Managing Relationship Conflict

Having an argument does not mean that your relationship is in trouble. Disagreements and differences are an inevitable part of every relationship and what matters is how we discuss and solve disagreements.

The following four strategies from relationship guru John Gottman will help you break patterns of negativity and take a positive approach to solving problems:

1. “Calm down”: You can’t resolve your differences productively if your heart is racing and you feel overwhelmed. Before you respond, take a deep breath, count to 5 and think about your response.

Halt the negative cycle of your thoughts by replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. This is often hard to do but by taking a deep breath and calming yourself physically, you have a chance. A proven approach is to repeat back to your partner exactly what you heard. You can then seek to understand what was said, giving yourself time to reflect.

If the argument starts to get out of hand, ask for a “time out.” Taking 5 to 20 minutes away from your partner will calm you enough to allow you to listen better and discuss the subject objectively rather than emotionally. Soothe yourself by taking deep breaths, a short walk, or even a short drive.

Tip two, next week…

Do you need help with an issue or problem? Our approach helps to generate deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations can restore insight and understanding about one another.

Tune in for more tips next week… or contact me Shane Smith shane@intentional-relationship.com or @ www.workofheart.net.www.workofheart.net.au

More tips at Intentional-Relationship.com

 

Alcohol is one of the main causes of conflict between partners

According to research by travel agency ebookers.com, over a quarter (26%) of British women blame alcohol for any arguments they have with their partners while on holiday. While it’s important for couples to air their issues from time to time, arguing after drinking rarely leads to constructive problem solving.

To try and stop these conflicts arising, here are a few tips:

  1. Talk about your problems when sober.
  2. Break the routine. If routine dictates that you and your partner get through a bottle of wine most evenings, why not break from it and cut back a little?
  3. Go for a walk, to the cinema or to the gym together.
  4. Eat while drinking. Food can slow down the rate your body absorbs alcohol.

If you don’t want to cut alcohol out of your diet, make sure you drink responsibly and if a sensitive topic is discussed, agree to discuss it at a later time.

More tips at Intentional-Relationship.com

Take the Couple Checkup

Take the Couple Checkup

Simply click on the Register button below relevant to your relationship – it couldn’t be easier. Once you have finished the questions you should receive your comprehensive personalised report in about 30 seconds.

Take the Couple Checkup

The Couple Checkup generates deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations restore insight and understanding about one another. The Couple Checkup can help to revive a relationship and increase intimacy. 

The Couple Checkup is an online couple assessment based on the PREPARE/ENRICH couple inventories. The Checkup assessment and Checkup report are designed to go directly to couples at any stage of their relationship (dating, engaged or married). The online system allows for dynamic customization of the assessment to each couple based on how the couple answers background questions. The goal is for the Couple Checkup to reach a more diverse group of couples, to empower couples to deal with issues on their own and to emphasize prevention over remediation.

For more information on the use and analysis of the Couple Checkup or to simply use the tool, please contact: www.couplecheckup.com.au or call today (02) 9520 4049 #couplecheckup #relationship

4 Tips for Managing Relationship Conflict (Part 4)

They say practice makes perfect, but when it comes to our relationships, we are likely to make mistakes. They key is building awareness and developing skills and practicing those skills: awareness of the ineffective ways we resort to when there is conflict and understanding the physical signs that give us an indication that things are getting heated. Then developing skills to engage more effectively and to practice them over and over to ensure we relate better. Be intentional about how you handle conflict.

The following four strategies from relationship guru John Gottman will help you break patterns of negativity and take a positive approach to solving problems:

4. “Keep practicing what you have learnt”: Once you have learned the techniques of fighting fair, practice them over and over until they become second nature. Your objective is to be able to use these techniques during the heat of a battle instead of resorting to your old, ineffective ways.

Having an argument does not mean that your relationship is in trouble. Disagreements and differences are an inevitable part of life and what matters is how we discuss and solve disagreements.

More tips at Intentional-Relationship.com

Consider the Better Marriages, Australia Conference in Sydney 7-8 September 2013 at the Newport Mirage, details on the website at: Better Marriages, Australia Conference 2013

4 Tips for Managing Relationship Conflict (Part 3)

Having an argument does not mean that your relationship is in trouble. Disagreements and differences are an inevitable part of life and what matters is how we discuss and solve them. Seek to understand the feelings behind the emotion and seek to understand your partners view. Validate and show empathy as opposed to reacting or responding negatively. This also gives you time to think and process what is being said and ensures your response is more considered. You may not agree but you’ll have approached the issue constructively.

The following strategy from relationship guru John Gottman will help you break patterns of negativity and take a positive approach to solving problems:

3. “Validation”: Validate your partners emotions by looking at the situation from his or her viewpoint. Often, simply empathising is enough. You don’t have to solve the problem. Validation foils criticism, contempt and defensiveness. Validate by taking responsibility for your words and actions, and by apologising when you are at fault.

More tips at Intentional-Relationship.com

Consider the Better Marriages, Australia Conference in Sydney 7-8 September 2013 at the Newport Mirage, details on the website at: Better Marriages, Australia Conference 2013

4 Tips for Managing Relationship Conflict (Tip 2)

Having an argument does not mean that your relationship is in trouble. By listening and speaking in a non-defensive fashion, avoiding criticism you can help foster healthy discussion. Disagreements and differences are an inevitable part of life but by speaking non-defensively, this positive posture will benefit your relationship. The following four strategies from relationship guru John Gottman will help you break patterns of negativity and take a positive approach to solving problems:

2. “Speak non-defensively”: Listen and speak in a way that does not engender defensiveness but, instead, fosters healthy discussion. “Praise and admiration” are the best weapons to keep negative thoughts at bay. Empathize. Realize that your partners anger might be an effort to get your attention. Adopt a receptive body posture and an open facial expression. Limit yourself to a specific complaint rather than a multitude of criticisms. Try these approaches:
“Remove the blame from your comments.”
“Say how you feel.”
“Don’t criticize your partner’ personality.”
“Don’t insult, mock or use sarcasm.”
“Be direct.”
“Don’t mind-read.”

More tips at Intentional-Relationship.com

Consider the Better Marriages, Australia Conference in Sydney 7-8 September 2013 at the Newport Mirage, details on the website at: Better Marriages, Australia Conference 2013