Tag Archives: Conflict

Intentional Parenting: 8 ways to be intentional with the time you have to spend with your family – Take time to unplug

Here are a few ideas which may get you thinking of how you can do “small things often” and turn towards your partner to show them you are loving them intentionally. In turn these small things will add to your emotional bank account, deposits that create a stronger bond in your partnership.

We have come up with 8 ways to be intentional with the time you have to spend with your family. Try using these motivations in your own household.

2. Take time to unplug – When I get home from work I try to put my phone on the counter so I’m not tempted to look at it and can give my family my full attention. Think about when you are out with friends or on a date. Do you find it rude, or distracting when they are on their phones the whole time? I don’t want my kids to feel neglected because mom is always on her phone. It’s also a great way to model good behavior when it comes to setting rules on screen time for your children.

By setting intentions for family time, it takes pressure off of you and your family to accomplish those unreasonable resolutions. Use this year as an opportunity to create a fresh start. Be intentional with your family.

Remember that these motivations aren’t all or nothing. Some days you will succeed in some areas and lack in others, and that’s okay. The purpose of setting intentions is to make your goals obtainable for you and your family.

References

  • Hengchen Dai, Katherine L. Milkman, Jason Riis (2014) The Fresh Start Effect: Temporal Landmarks Motivate Aspirational Behavior. Management Science

#PREPARE/ENRICH is a customised online assessment tool that identifies each couples unique strength and growth areas. Based on their assessment results, a facilitator provides feedback sessions, helping couples to discuss and understand their results while teaching them proven relationship skills.

For more information on PREPARE/ENRICH or to simply set up a couple on the tool, please contact: www.prepare-enrich.com.au or call today (02) 9520 4049 #prepareenrich #strongerrelationships

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Intentional Parenting: 8 ways to be intentional with the time you have to spend with your family

Many people make resolutions around their own lifestyle changes that will improve their quality of life. While we tend to make unobtainable goals, many people still have a go, and some succeed. Researchers call this feeling the “fresh start effect”. They have found that we tend to motivate ourselves into good habits by using a new beginning (like the start of the week, month, year, season, etc.) as a marker to put past behavior behind us and focus on being better. It brings opportunity to reflect on the previous year and anticipate what you want the New Year to look like.

Here are a few ideas which may get you thinking of how you can do “small things often” and turn towards your partner to show them you are loving them intentionally. In turn these small things will add to your emotional bank account, deposits that create a stronger bond in your partnership.

A goal for you might be about the quality of time you spend together versus the quantity.

We have come up with 8 ways to be intentional with the time you have to spend with your family. Try using these motivations in your own household.

  1. Spend 1:1 time – If you have more than one child how can you make them feel special and loved? Spend time with them individually! Kids crave one-on-one time with their parents. It makes them feel special, you get to connect and catch up with that child, and it can strengthen your bond. Make sure both parents take turns. Some examples: have one child run errands with you, take a walk around your neighborhood, do your chores/projects together, play a favorite game with them, use your time in the car driving your child to activities.

By setting intentions for family time, it takes pressure off of you and your family to accomplish those unreasonable resolutions. Use this year as an opportunity to create a fresh start. Be intentional with your family.

Remember that these motivations aren’t all or nothing. Some days you will succeed in some areas and lack in others, and that’s okay. The purpose of setting intentions is to make your goals obtainable for you and your family.

References

  1. Hengchen Dai, Katherine L. Milkman, Jason Riis (2014) The Fresh Start Effect: Temporal Landmarks Motivate Aspirational Behavior. Management Science

#PREPARE/ENRICH is a customised online assessment tool that identifies each couples unique strength and growth areas. Based on their assessment results, a facilitator provides feedback sessions, helping couples to discuss and understand their results while teaching them proven relationship skills.

For more information on PREPARE/ENRICH or to simply set up a couple on the tool, please contact: www.prepare-enrich.com.au or call today (02) 9520 4049 #prepareenrich #strongerrelationships

Managing relationships at work: Policies to ensure employees behave in the best interest of the employer

A recent US study reported that 10% of married couples meet as colleagues. With the amount of time spent in the office this number is unsurprising. However, office romances can cause problems for employers – this can range from a drop in productivity, to conflict of interest or a costly harassment claim.

As an employer, you must remember that it is not just the romantic and emotional relationships (spouses and friendships) that you need to be alert to. Platonic relationships can still cause conflicts: immediate family, other close relationships such as cousins and in-laws, or financial relationships between staff members and clients.

Your staff should carry out their duties to the best of their abilities and certify that they avoid any conflict of interest where possible. It is important that personal relationships do not influence business decisions and interactions with other staff or clients.

How can policies assist in a situation where a relationship needs to be managed?

It is vital that you clearly outline your position on managing relationships in a policy that is distributed to all staff. These policies need to showcase the kinds of relationships that might create a conflict of interest and the situations in which conflict may arise.

It is important to state that the staff must behave in the best interest of the employer and that processes, such as recruitment, must not be affected by the relationship. In line with this expectation, you should clarify in the policy that a relationship, its status and any real, perceived or actual conflict of interest is disclosed. It is also essential to have a robust harassment policy and grievance procedures so that matters can be investigated impartially.

These policies need to set the expectations of conduct in the workplace for all employees and include possible consequences of breaching the policy. Recruitment and disciplinary procedures are also important to reduce the risk of claims of bias or discrimination.

Relationship policies can be viewed as a bit heavy-handed but no business is too small not to be worried by potential issues. While office romances are a fact of life, they shouldn’t come at a cost to your business. These policies can help prevent conflict of interest issues, and will set expectations for staff to help them work with people who are close to them.

Reference:

Tune in for more tips and tricks next week… or contact me Shane Smith shane@intentional-relationship.com or @ www.workofheart.net.au

More tips at Intentional-Relationship.com

Managing relationships at work: Ensure that there is no actual or perceived interference with procedures like recruitment, disciplinary processes and development opportunities

A recent US study reported that 10% of married couples meet as colleagues. With the amount of time spent in the office this number is unsurprising. However, office romances can cause problems for employers – this can range from a drop in productivity, to conflict of interest or a costly harassment claim.

As an employer, you must remember that it is not just the romantic and emotional relationships (spouses and friendships) that you need to be alert to. Platonic relationships can still cause conflicts: immediate family, other close relationships such as cousins and in-laws, or financial relationships between staff members and clients.

Your staff should carry out their duties to the best of their abilities and certify that they avoid any conflict of interest where possible. It is important that personal relationships do not influence business decisions and interactions with other staff or clients.

What are my duties as an employer?

It’s your responsibility to make sure conflict of interest does not arise out of relationships at work. Areas that are often affected include decision-making and the boundaries and the maintenance of confidential information. In particular, you need to make sure that there is no actual or perceived interference with procedures like recruitment, disciplinary processes and development opportunities. These processes must be done in a transparent fashion to avoid an accusation of favouritism. Get this wrong and you can be on the receiving end of a discrimination claim.

Relationship policies can help mitigate any issues should any relationships develop or a relationship cause a conflict with any persons of interest to your business.
Relationship policies set a criteria for conflicting interests, for example they ensure the ability to remove an employee from the decision-making process should there be a particular relationship which could potentially result in bias.

To make things more complex, it’s worth remembering that it’s possible for employees and potential employees to make a claim of adverse action on the grounds of not being appointed due to their relationship, for example an employee’s marital status, so employers need to tread carefully.

Reference:

Tune in for more tips and tricks next week… or contact me Shane Smith shane@intentional-relationship.com or @ www.workofheart.net.au

More tips at Intentional-Relationship.com

Many young couples view technology as a way to bring greater intimacy to their relationship, even as it introduces new sources of tension

Whilst most of the qualities that help sustain a good relationship have not changed – commitment, effective communication, constructive conflict and patience, honesty, forgiveness amongst others – there is strong evidence that couples are using mobile technologies to enhance their relationships. Both the opportunities and threats associated with the use of internet and mobile device use including the stress associated with their use by couples must be understood and considered to ensure effective communication in all their life stages.

While younger adults in serious relationships are more likely than older couples to report that the internet has had an impact on their relationship, this impact can cut both ways. Many young couples view technology as a way to bring greater intimacy to their relationship, even as it introduces new sources of tension.

  • 45% of online 18-29 year olds in serious relationships say the internet has had an impact on their relationship – 21% say a major impact.
  • 42% of 18-29 year olds with a mobile phone in a serious relationship say their partner has been distracted by their phone while they were together.
  • 41% of online 18-29 year olds in serious relationships felt closer to their partner because of online or text conversations.

“Technology is everywhere and our relationships are no exception,” said Amanda Lenhart, lead author of the report and Senior Researcher at the Pew Research Center. “And for younger adults and those in newer relationships, tools such as mobile phones and social media are there at the beginning and play a greater role today for good and for ill.”

Reference:

Tune in for more tips and tricks next week… or contact me Shane Smith shane@intentional-relationship.com or @ www.workofheart.net.au

More tips at Intentional-Relationship.com

Take the Couple Checkup

Take the Couple Checkup

Simply click on the Register button below relevant to your relationship – it couldn’t be easier. Once you have finished the questions you should receive your comprehensive personalised report in about 30 seconds.

Take the Couple Checkup

The Couple Checkup generates deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations restore insight and understanding about one another. The Couple Checkup can help to revive a relationship and increase intimacy.

The Couple Checkup is an online couple assessment based on the PREPARE/ENRICH couple inventories. The Checkup assessment and Checkup report are designed to go directly to couples at any stage of their relationship (dating, engaged or married). The online system allows for dynamic customization of the assessment to each couple based on how the couple answers background questions. The goal is for the Couple Checkup to reach a more diverse group of couples, to empower couples to deal with issues on their own and to emphasize prevention over remediation.

For more information on the use and analysis of the Couple Checkup or to simply use the tool, please contact: www.couplecheckup.com.au or call today (02) 9520 4049 #couplecheckup #relationship

Facebook: Ease of access to personal details is only the tip of the iceberg

Whilst Facebook is facing its own challenges regarding trust and compromise of customer data via the Cambridge Analytica scandal, concerns regarding this technology at a personal level are much more pervasive and can create difficult situations for couples involving emotional intimacy and fidelity. The ease of access to personal details is obvious but additionally is the ease at which private communication can take place including access and the sharing of intimate information and pornographic images. Facebook is increasing cited in divorce proceedings in both the US and UK.

Social media has changed the daily lives of couples by:

  • How they stay in touch with others (and reconnect with people);
  • The way couples make friends, how they find acquaintances and how others find partners by connecting with people anywhere in the world;
  • How couples do business, how businesses connect to buyers and potential buyers;
  • How they reveal themselves and share information;
  • How couples allow their voice to be heard – to amplify a message; and
  • How they learn.

Whilst most of the qualities that help sustain a good relationship have not changed – commitment, effective communication, constructive conflict and patience, honesty, forgiveness amongst others – there is strong evidence that couples are using these technologies to enhance their relationships. Both the opportunities and threats associated with the use of internet and mobile technologies including the stress associated with their use by couples must be understood and considered to ensure effective communication in all their life stages.

Reference:

Tune in for more tips next week… or contact me Shane Smith shane@intentional-relationship.com or @ www.workofheart.net.au

More tips at Intentional-Relationship.com

Take the Couple Checkup

Take the Couple Checkup

Simply click on the Register button below relevant to your relationship – it couldn’t be easier. Once you have finished the questions you should receive your comprehensive personalised report in about 30 seconds.

Take the Couple Checkup

The Couple Checkup generates deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations restore insight and understanding about one another. The Couple Checkup can help to revive a relationship and increase intimacy.

The Couple Checkup is an online couple assessment based on the PREPARE/ENRICH couple inventories. The Checkup assessment and Checkup report are designed to go directly to couples at any stage of their relationship (dating, engaged or married). The online system allows for dynamic customization of the assessment to each couple based on how the couple answers background questions. The goal is for the Couple Checkup to reach a more diverse group of couples, to empower couples to deal with issues on their own and to emphasize prevention over remediation.

For more information on the use and analysis of the Couple Checkup or to simply use the tool, please contact: www.couplecheckup.com.au or call today (02) 9520 4049 #couplecheckup #relationship

Texting and relationship quality: Men tend to use texting when they are avoiding confrontation

Text as a casual method of staying in touch seems to be a good thing. Many people text to maintain the relationship however studies show that men and women generally text at differing levels of intimacy. Women do not generally text about severe subjects and men even less so.

Men also tend to use texting when they are avoiding confrontation, while female texting frequency was positively associated with their own relationship stability.

Lori Schade and Jonathan Sandberg, studied 276 young adults in the US to see what communicating through texts did to their relationship. 38 percent described their relationship as serious, 46 percent were engaged, and 16 percent were married. Each of them completed a detailed relationship assessment that covered, among other things, their use of technology.

Here are a few highlights from the report they publish in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy:

  • For women: Using text messages to apologise, work out differences or make decisions is associated with lower relationship quality
  • For men: Too frequent texting is associated with lower relationship quality
  • For all: Expressing affection via text enhances the relationship

Male texting frequency was negatively associated with relationship satisfaction and stability scores for both partners while female texting frequency was positively associated with their own relationship stability scores. Texting to express affection was associated with higher reported partner attachment for both men and women.

References:

  • Louis D. Lo Praeste, death and texting, 25 October 2017,
  • Schade, L., Sandberg, J., Bean, R., Busby, D., and Coyne, S., 2013: Using Technology to Connect in Romantic Relationships: Effects on Attachment, Relationship Satisfaction, and Stability in Emerging Adults, P 314-338 Published online: 28 Oct 2013 (BYU professors Roy Bean, Dean Busby and Sarah Coyne co-authored the study with Schade and Sandberg).

Tune in next week for more relationship tips and ideas.

Do you need help with an issue or problem? Our approach helps to generate deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations can restore insight and understanding about one another.

Tune in for more tips next week… or contact me Shane Smith shane@intentional-relationship.com or @ www.workofheart.net.au