Tag Archives: Conflict

Many young couples view technology as a way to bring greater intimacy to their relationship, even as it introduces new sources of tension

Whilst most of the qualities that help sustain a good relationship have not changed – commitment, effective communication, constructive conflict and patience, honesty, forgiveness amongst others – there is strong evidence that couples are using mobile technologies to enhance their relationships. Both the opportunities and threats associated with the use of internet and mobile device use including the stress associated with their use by couples must be understood and considered to ensure effective communication in all their life stages.

While younger adults in serious relationships are more likely than older couples to report that the internet has had an impact on their relationship, this impact can cut both ways. Many young couples view technology as a way to bring greater intimacy to their relationship, even as it introduces new sources of tension.

  • 45% of online 18-29 year olds in serious relationships say the internet has had an impact on their relationship – 21% say a major impact.
  • 42% of 18-29 year olds with a mobile phone in a serious relationship say their partner has been distracted by their phone while they were together.
  • 41% of online 18-29 year olds in serious relationships felt closer to their partner because of online or text conversations.

“Technology is everywhere and our relationships are no exception,” said Amanda Lenhart, lead author of the report and Senior Researcher at the Pew Research Center. “And for younger adults and those in newer relationships, tools such as mobile phones and social media are there at the beginning and play a greater role today for good and for ill.”

Reference:

Tune in for more tips and tricks next week… or contact me Shane Smith shane@intentional-relationship.com or @ www.workofheart.net.au

More tips at Intentional-Relationship.com

Take the Couple Checkup

Take the Couple Checkup

Simply click on the Register button below relevant to your relationship – it couldn’t be easier. Once you have finished the questions you should receive your comprehensive personalised report in about 30 seconds.

Take the Couple Checkup

The Couple Checkup generates deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations restore insight and understanding about one another. The Couple Checkup can help to revive a relationship and increase intimacy.

The Couple Checkup is an online couple assessment based on the PREPARE/ENRICH couple inventories. The Checkup assessment and Checkup report are designed to go directly to couples at any stage of their relationship (dating, engaged or married). The online system allows for dynamic customization of the assessment to each couple based on how the couple answers background questions. The goal is for the Couple Checkup to reach a more diverse group of couples, to empower couples to deal with issues on their own and to emphasize prevention over remediation.

For more information on the use and analysis of the Couple Checkup or to simply use the tool, please contact: www.couplecheckup.com.au or call today (02) 9520 4049 #couplecheckup #relationship

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Facebook: Ease of access to personal details is only the tip of the iceberg

Whilst Facebook is facing its own challenges regarding trust and compromise of customer data via the Cambridge Analytica scandal, concerns regarding this technology at a personal level are much more pervasive and can create difficult situations for couples involving emotional intimacy and fidelity. The ease of access to personal details is obvious but additionally is the ease at which private communication can take place including access and the sharing of intimate information and pornographic images. Facebook is increasing cited in divorce proceedings in both the US and UK.

Social media has changed the daily lives of couples by:

  • How they stay in touch with others (and reconnect with people);
  • The way couples make friends, how they find acquaintances and how others find partners by connecting with people anywhere in the world;
  • How couples do business, how businesses connect to buyers and potential buyers;
  • How they reveal themselves and share information;
  • How couples allow their voice to be heard – to amplify a message; and
  • How they learn.

Whilst most of the qualities that help sustain a good relationship have not changed – commitment, effective communication, constructive conflict and patience, honesty, forgiveness amongst others – there is strong evidence that couples are using these technologies to enhance their relationships. Both the opportunities and threats associated with the use of internet and mobile technologies including the stress associated with their use by couples must be understood and considered to ensure effective communication in all their life stages.

Reference:

Tune in for more tips next week… or contact me Shane Smith shane@intentional-relationship.com or @ www.workofheart.net.au

More tips at Intentional-Relationship.com

Take the Couple Checkup

Take the Couple Checkup

Simply click on the Register button below relevant to your relationship – it couldn’t be easier. Once you have finished the questions you should receive your comprehensive personalised report in about 30 seconds.

Take the Couple Checkup

The Couple Checkup generates deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations restore insight and understanding about one another. The Couple Checkup can help to revive a relationship and increase intimacy.

The Couple Checkup is an online couple assessment based on the PREPARE/ENRICH couple inventories. The Checkup assessment and Checkup report are designed to go directly to couples at any stage of their relationship (dating, engaged or married). The online system allows for dynamic customization of the assessment to each couple based on how the couple answers background questions. The goal is for the Couple Checkup to reach a more diverse group of couples, to empower couples to deal with issues on their own and to emphasize prevention over remediation.

For more information on the use and analysis of the Couple Checkup or to simply use the tool, please contact: www.couplecheckup.com.au or call today (02) 9520 4049 #couplecheckup #relationship

Texting and relationship quality: Men tend to use texting when they are avoiding confrontation

Text as a casual method of staying in touch seems to be a good thing. Many people text to maintain the relationship however studies show that men and women generally text at differing levels of intimacy. Women do not generally text about severe subjects and men even less so.

Men also tend to use texting when they are avoiding confrontation, while female texting frequency was positively associated with their own relationship stability.

Lori Schade and Jonathan Sandberg, studied 276 young adults in the US to see what communicating through texts did to their relationship. 38 percent described their relationship as serious, 46 percent were engaged, and 16 percent were married. Each of them completed a detailed relationship assessment that covered, among other things, their use of technology.

Here are a few highlights from the report they publish in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy:

  • For women: Using text messages to apologise, work out differences or make decisions is associated with lower relationship quality
  • For men: Too frequent texting is associated with lower relationship quality
  • For all: Expressing affection via text enhances the relationship

Male texting frequency was negatively associated with relationship satisfaction and stability scores for both partners while female texting frequency was positively associated with their own relationship stability scores. Texting to express affection was associated with higher reported partner attachment for both men and women.

References:

  • Louis D. Lo Praeste, death and texting, 25 October 2017,
  • Schade, L., Sandberg, J., Bean, R., Busby, D., and Coyne, S., 2013: Using Technology to Connect in Romantic Relationships: Effects on Attachment, Relationship Satisfaction, and Stability in Emerging Adults, P 314-338 Published online: 28 Oct 2013 (BYU professors Roy Bean, Dean Busby and Sarah Coyne co-authored the study with Schade and Sandberg).

Tune in next week for more relationship tips and ideas.

Do you need help with an issue or problem? Our approach helps to generate deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations can restore insight and understanding about one another.

Tune in for more tips next week… or contact me Shane Smith shane@intentional-relationship.com or @ www.workofheart.net.au

62% of women suggest that their mobile phone distracts their spouse or partner when they are together

The internet, mobile phones and social media have become key players in the life of couples, with many claiming they have had an impact on their relationship. In less than 10 years, digital technology has made itself felt in most relationships – in how couples communicate, grow closer, plan, fight and make up.

Whilst most say the impact is positive, in a recent survey by the Pennsylvania State University and Brigman Young University, 62% of women claimed that technology interfered with time spent with their partner and almost one third of respondents said their boyfriend has looked at his smartphone while they were talking.

Termed ‘Phubbing’, researchers are saying phone snubbing is killing relationships and the impact cannot be underestimated. The internet, mobile phones and social media, for many is either an important or emerging issue.

Understanding the influence and implications of internet, mobile phone and social media use on your relationship and the implications is critical.

References:

  • McDaniel, B: 2016: The Pennsylvania State University and
  • Coyne, S: 2016 Brigman Young University.

Tune in next week for more relationship tips and ideas.

Do you need help with an issue or problem? Our approach helps to generate deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations can restore insight and understanding about one another.

Tune in for more tips next week… or contact me Shane Smith shane@intentional-relationship.com or @ www.workofheart.net.au

What influence does your use of the internet, your mobile phone and social media use have on your relationship?

Couples use technology in the little and large moments. They may negotiate over when to use it and when to abstain. A portion of them quarrel over its use and have had hurtful experiences caused by tech use. At the same time, some couples find that digital tools facilitate communication and support. A majority of couples maintain their own separate email and social media accounts, though a smaller number report sharing accounts and calendars. And fully two-thirds of couples share passwords.

Research suggests that the impact of the internet, mobile phones and social media on couple relationships is either an important or emerging issue for many couples and understanding the influence and implications of internet, mobile phone and social media use on your relationship and the implications on your partner is critical.

Try this – Do a self assessment on why you are using online sites:

  • Do you spend more time talking to the opposite sex or particular individuals?
  • Spell out your expectations with others when online
  • Do not engage in intimate conversations with someone other than your partner
  • Share passwords
  • Set parameters around how much time and when you are online.

    Do you need help with an issue or problem? Our approach helps to generate deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations can restore insight and understanding about one another.

    Tune in for more tips next week… or contact me Shane Smith shane@intentional-relationship.com or @ www.workofheart.net.au

    Alcohol is one of the main causes of conflict between partners

    According to research by travel agency ebookers.com, over a quarter (26%) of British women blame alcohol for any arguments they have with their partners while on holiday. While it’s important for couples to air their issues from time to time, arguing after drinking rarely leads to constructive problem solving.

    To try and stop these conflicts arising, here are a few tips:

    1. Talk about your problems when sober.
    2. Break the routine. If routine dictates that you and your partner get through a bottle of wine most evenings, why not break from it and cut back a little?
    3. Go for a walk, to the cinema or to the gym together.
    4. Eat while drinking. Food can slow down the rate your body absorbs alcohol.

    If you don’t want to cut alcohol out of your diet, make sure you drink responsibly and if a sensitive topic is discussed, agree to discuss it at a later time.

    More tips at Intentional-Relationship.com

    Take the Couple Checkup

    Take the Couple Checkup

    Simply click on the Register button below relevant to your relationship – it couldn’t be easier. Once you have finished the questions you should receive your comprehensive personalised report in about 30 seconds.

    Take the Couple Checkup

    The Couple Checkup generates deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations restore insight and understanding about one another. The Couple Checkup can help to revive a relationship and increase intimacy. 

    The Couple Checkup is an online couple assessment based on the PREPARE/ENRICH couple inventories. The Checkup assessment and Checkup report are designed to go directly to couples at any stage of their relationship (dating, engaged or married). The online system allows for dynamic customization of the assessment to each couple based on how the couple answers background questions. The goal is for the Couple Checkup to reach a more diverse group of couples, to empower couples to deal with issues on their own and to emphasize prevention over remediation.

    For more information on the use and analysis of the Couple Checkup or to simply use the tool, please contact: www.couplecheckup.com.au or call today (02) 9520 4049 #couplecheckup #relationship

    The 5 big areas for conflict in relationships: Children

    Finances, Work (in and out of the house), Sex, In Laws and Children are the five big areas that dominate conflict in most relationships. Ensuring timely and open communication and pragmatic approaches to discussing issues that arise will ensure our relationship is sustained for the long-term.

    All Relationships including those with your spouse and children (and others) tend towards entropy, disorder and dissolution. Marriage and divorces can be disastrous for those concerned, especially for children. Being intentional and principle centred can revitalise and enrich your marriage, ensuring your marriage is sustained and endures.

    This series of blog posts explores each of the five big areas for conflict in relationships, emphasising that by taking intentional steps to discuss and resolve these issues, they will have a lasting effect.

    5. Children: Baring and raising children can have a significant impact on your relationship and in some cases completely dominate it. Having a shared understanding of the impact of children on us physically, socially and mentally is crucial for the long-term success of our relationship.

    Establishing boundaries and ensuring appropriate time with your partner is important – and sticking to these shared rules is mandatory.

    If much of the conflict that occurs in relationships arises out of conflicting expectations, uncover them and discuss a solution. Be aware of your partners personal goals and your goals as a couple and a family. Goals provide meaning and direction in life, and striving for goals provides a sense of purpose.

    Define your family tree and discuss the various relationships. Work towards a shared understanding of how and when these interactions will take place. Ensure one-on-one time is scheduled with each child.

    Additionally, household tasks and the allocation of those is critical in the arduous role of a parent. Discuss and script an approach balance that works for your relationship. Remain open to change and decide an approach that is balanced for both you and your partner.

    Discuss family, those interactions and feelings regularly (weekly). Keep the lines of communication open and support your partner. Work with your partner and ensure they are number one.

    Do you need a boost in your relationship? The PREPARE/ENRICH relationship assessment has been proven to assist couples for over 40 years. Looking for a facilitator to work with you, then contact us.

    PREPARE/ENRICH is a customised online assessment tool that identifies each couples unique strength and growth areas. Based on their assessment results, a facilitator provides feedback sessions, helping couples to discuss and understand their results while teaching them proven relationship skills.

    More tips at Intentional-Relationship.com