Let your first step be to simply reflect what your spouse has told you.
“So what I hear you saying is___________.”
Listen especially for the feelings they are telling you.
“And you are feeling
hurt by that.”
Reflecting gives you as the listener a “Go-to” skill even when you do not know what to say. It is also a way of telling your spouse that their words are very important to you and that you are listening and paying attention to them.
Finally, reflecting gives your spouse a chance to hear their own words given back to them so as to really see that they fit accurately or to adapt them to be even more accurate of their true feelings.