How does non-verbal communication contribute to dealing with conflict?

Choose your attitude and behaviour, communicate openly and consider your non-verbal stance, expression and situation. This creates trust and intimacy.

Lean forward and show interest in your partners world by asking questions and listening and then… asking more questions about the topic – remain interested. Remove distractions, sit face-to-face if necessary, with an open stance.

Commit to loyalty and openness and when you have an issue, seek to resolve it with consideration for the relationship first.

DISCUSSION:

  • How does non-verbal communication contribute to dealing with conflict in your relationship?
  • What are non-verbal cues that you give your partner or that your partner gives you that influence the direction of the discussion?
  • Ask your partner what they often observe as you might not notice your own non-verbal cues, but remember to be respectful.

TAKEAWAY:

Conflict is inevitable in relationships, but if dealt with in a healthy, productive, and respectful way, it can bring you closer as a couple and make your relationship stronger.

Source: DISCUSSION GUIDE FOR COUPLES, PREPARE/ENRICH 2017

Tune in for more tips next week… or contact me Shane Smith shane@intentional-relationship.com or @ www.workofheart.net.www.workofheart.net.au

#PREPARE/ENRICH is a customised online assessment tool that identifies each couples unique strength and growth areas. Based on their assessment results, a facilitator provides feedback sessions, helping couples to discuss and understand their results while teaching them proven relationship skills.

For more information on PREPARE/ENRICH or to simply set up a couple on the tool, please contact: www.prepare-enrich.com.au or call today (02) 9520 4049 #prepareenrich #strongerrelationships.

Commit to evaluating your next conflict and take time to discuss how you dealt with the disagreement

Since it often takes time to learn new strategies and because conflicts organically develop, make a commitment to evaluate your next conflict.

Agree that the next time a conflict comes up, you’ll take time to discuss how you dealt with the disagreement. Think of it as reviewing your relationship performance.

Take note of what new strategies helped and where you each need to be more mindful. By doing this, you and your partner are being accountable for the application of these skills into your life and thus strengthening your relationship.

Discussion:

  • Did you resolve the issue? How did that feel?
  • How was the process? What worked well, what didn’t?
  • Where passed issues raised?
  • What non-verbal cues did you notice?
  • Were we both respectful to each other?

Takeaway:

Conflict is inevitable in relationships, but if dealt with in a healthy, productive, and respectful way, it can bring you closer as a couple and make your relationship stronger.

Source: DISCUSSION GUIDE FOR COUPLES, PREPARE/ENRICH 2017

Tune in for more tips next week… or contact me Shane Smith shane@intentional-relationship.com or @ www.workofheart.net.www.workofheart.net.au

#PREPARE/ENRICH is a customised online assessment tool that identifies each couples unique strength and growth areas. Based on their assessment results, a facilitator provides feedback sessions, helping couples to discuss and understand their results while teaching them proven relationship skills.

For more information on PREPARE/ENRICH or to simply set up a couple on the tool, please contact: www.prepare-enrich.com.au or call today (02) 9520 4049 #prepareenrich #strongerrelationships.

Communicate assertively, take responsibility for your own feelings and actions, and focus solely on the issue at hand

When dealing with conflict in your relationship, it’s important to resist the urge to bring up past experiences that have already been resolved and reopen them for discussion. Acknowledging the current disagreement and working through the conflict by actively listening to your partner is a great goal.

Discussion:

  • What are your automatic negative responses when conflict arises? Anger? Withdrawal? Defensiveness?
  • How do these reactions affect your ability to resolve issues respectfully?
  • What can you do to counteract these reactions?
  • How can you show your partner respect in the midst of conflict?
  • What do you need to feel respected? Why is it important to be conscious of respect?
  • What does “take responsibility for your own feelings” mean to you?
  • What does it feel like to recognise your feelings in the situation? Are you relieved? Do you feel more vulnerable? Do you feel proud? How does this help emotionally charged situations?

Respect your partner, remember you are on the same team, and know it’s okay to take a time out if you need to. While embracing the conflict and dealing with it can be uncomfortable, ultimately it can bring you closer as a couple.

Source: DISCUSSION GUIDE FOR COUPLES, PREPARE/ENRICH 2017

Tune in for more tips next week… or contact me Shane Smith shane@intentional-relationship.com or @ www.workofheart.net.www.workofheart.net.au

#PREPARE/ENRICH is a customised online assessment tool that identifies each couples unique strength and growth areas. Based on their assessment results, a facilitator provides feedback sessions, helping couples to discuss and understand their results while teaching them proven relationship skills.

For more information on PREPARE/ENRICH or to simply set up a couple on the tool, please contact: www.prepare-enrich.com.au or call today (02) 9520 4049 #prepareenrich #strongerrelationships.

Am I ready to discuss my relationship? Pick a day where your emotions are calm

The development of skills can all to easily become over-shadowed by the feedback process. Why not aim for a balanced approach in which feedback and the development of skills (eg. good listening skills; constructive ways of handling conflict) are both valued?

Move forward when both partners can confidently answer: Yes. We are ready to move ahead.

We have provided some thoughts to consider:

Check yourself

Emotionally:

  • What kind of day did you have?
  • Have your emotions been fairly neutral?
  • Have you experienced any high levels of sadness, anger, or joy?

We recommend discussing your relationship on days where your emotions have been calm.

If you decide you are ready to move forward with reviewing your relationship and working through various issues —that’s awesome.

If you decide you need to make some adjustments before discussing – that’s good too! The goal is to get talking to your partner, even if that conversation doesn’t happen right away.

PREPARE/ENRICH has several resources to help you unpack and mine the assessment results.

Source: DISCUSSION GUIDE FOR COUPLES, PREPARE/ENRICH 2017

Tune in for more tips next week… or contact me Shane Smith shane@intentional-relationship.com or @ www.workofheart.net.www.workofheart.net.au

#PREPARE/ENRICH is a customised online assessment tool that identifies each couples unique strength and growth areas. Based on their assessment results, a facilitator provides feedback sessions, helping couples to discuss and understand their results while teaching them proven relationship skills.

For more information on PREPARE/ENRICH or to simply set up a couple on the tool, please contact: www.prepare-enrich.com.au or call today (02) 9520 4049 #prepareenrich #strongerrelationships

How is my relationship going… answer these 10 questions and find out

Daily Dialogue is an intentional effort to talk about your relationship, rather than discussing your activities that day. The focus of daily dialogue is on your feelings about each other and your lives together.

Beyond daily dialogue, taking time to discuss deeper more intimate details about your feelings is also important towards increasing intimacy.

In the next few days schedule a time (preferably after a meal) to talk constructively together about the following topics and what you both could do about it for the benefit of the less satisfied partner. Go down this list of statements and indicate honestly your level of agreement for each one. Compare your responses with those your partner.

For those items where you both ‘agree’ or ‘strongly agree’ try to think of an example to share with your partner. Note the items for which your response differs from your partner’s.

Talk as constructively as you can about items that you have both marked ‘disagree’ or ‘strongly disagree’. If there are a number of these do please consider getting the help of a qualified third party, don’t risk these issues becoming terminal. Don’t attempt to discuss more than any one topic at a sitting.

Select one of the following to the statements below: Strongly disagree; Disagree; Undecided; Agree; Strongly Agree:

  1. I am very satisfied with how my partner and I communicate
  2. We are creative in how we cope with our differences
  3. We feel very connected to one another
  4. My partner seldom seems too controlling
  5. My partner is able to understand my opinions and ideas when we discuss problems
  6. Our sexual relationship is satisfying and fulfilling to me
  7. We have a good balance of leisure time spent together and separately
  8. My partner’s friends or family rarely interfere with our relationship
  9. We usually agree on how to spend money
    I am satisfied with how we express spiritual values and beliefs

Consider the Couple Checkup, a tool designed to help you and your partner build a more satisfying and intimate relationship. The Couple Checkup evaluates up to 25 important areas in a couple’s relationship including: couple and family systems, personality and age and stage of relationship.

Tune in for more tips next week… or contact me Shane Smith shane@intentional-relationship.com or @ www.workofheart.net.www.workofheart.net.au

Adapted from www.prepare-enrich.com.au, the Couple Checkup evaluates important areas in a couple’s relationship including eight core scales (i.e. communication, conflict resolution, role relationship and sexual relationship), four couple and family system scales (closeness and flexibility), five personality scales (based on the Big Five Personality Scales), and between four and eight specific scales relevant to the age and stage of the couple based on background questions ( i.e. cohabiting, children from previous relationship, and intergenerational issues).

The Couple Checkup generates deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations restore insight and understanding about one another. The Couple Checkup can help to revive a relationship and increase intimacy.

The Couple Checkup is an online couple assessment based on the PREPARE/ENRICH couple inventories. The Checkup assessment and Checkup report are designed to go directly to couples at any stage of their relationship (dating, engaged or married). The online system allows for dynamic customization of the assessment to each couple based on how the couple answers background questions.

The goal is for the Couple Checkup to reach a more diverse group of couples, to empower couples to deal with issues on their own and to emphasize prevention over remediation.

For more information on the use and analysis of the Couple Checkup or to simply use the tool, please contact: www.couplecheckup.com.au or call today (02) 9520 4049 #couplecheckup #relationship

Daily Compliments, guaranteed to increase intimacy

Daily Compliments help you focus on the positive things you like about each other. Every day give your partner at least one genuine compliment. These can be general (“you are fun to be with”) or specific (“I appreciate that you were on time for the concert”).

Communicate techniques to increase intimacy:

  1. Give full attention to your partner when talking. Turn off the phone, shut off the television, make eye contact.
  2. Focus on the good qualities in each other and often praise each other.
  3. Be assertive. Share your thoughts, feelings, and needs. A good way to be assertive without being critical is to use “I” rather than “You” statements. (e.g. “I worry when you don’t let me know you’ll be late” rather than “You are always late”).
  4. Avoid criticism. If you must criticize, balance it with at least one positive comment. (e.g.“I appreciate how you take the trash out each week. In the future can you remember to also wheel the trash can back from the end of the driveway?” ) .
  5. Listen to understand, not to judge.
  6. Use active listening. Summarize your partner’s comments before sharing your own reactions or feelings.
  7. Avoid blaming each other and work together for a solution.
  8. Use the Ten Steps approach. For problems that come up again and again, use the Ten Steps for Resolving Couple Conflict.
  9. Seek counselling. If you are not able to resolve issues, seek counseling before they become more serious.

Consider the Couple Checkup, a tool designed to help you and your partner build a more satisfying and intimate relationship. The Couple Checkup evaluates up to 25 important areas in a couple’s relationship including: couple and family systems, personality and age and stage of relationship.

Tune in for more tips next week… or contact me Shane Smith shane@intentional-relationship.com or @ www.workofheart.net.www.workofheart.net.au

Adapted from www.prepare-enrich.com.au, the Couple Checkup evaluates important areas in a couple’s relationship including eight core scales (i.e. communication, conflict resolution, role relationship and sexual relationship), four couple and family system scales (closeness and flexibility), five personality scales (based on the Big Five Personality Scales), and between four and eight specific scales relevant to the age and stage of the couple based on background questions ( i.e. cohabiting, children from previous relationship, and intergenerational issues).

The Couple Checkup generates deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations restore insight and understanding about one another. The Couple Checkup can help to revive a relationship and increase intimacy.

The Couple Checkup is an online couple assessment based on the PREPARE/ENRICH couple inventories. The Checkup assessment and Checkup report are designed to go directly to couples at any stage of their relationship (dating, engaged or married). The online system allows for dynamic customization of the assessment to each couple based on how the couple answers background questions.

The goal is for the Couple Checkup to reach a more diverse group of couples, to empower couples to deal with issues on their own and to emphasize prevention over remediation.

For more information on the use and analysis of the Couple Checkup or to simply use the tool, please contact: www.couplecheckup.com.au or call today (02) 9520 4049 #couplecheckup #relationship

Daily dialogue is designed to activate discussion, discovery, and increase the overall quality of your relationship

By taking time each day to talk and focus on your partner can make a huge difference in the short and medium term. Used to increase intimacy, daily dialogue is designed to activate discussion, discovery, and increase the overall quality of your relationship.

Daily Dialogue is an intentional effort to talk about your relationship, rather than discussing your activities that day. The focus of this dialogue should be on your feelings about each other and your lives together. Set aside five minutes per day to discuss the following:

    What did you most enjoy about your relationship today?
    What was dissatisfying about your relationship today?
    How can you be helpful to each other?

Consider the Couple Checkup, a tool designed to help you and your partner build a more satisfying and intimate relationship. The Couple Checkup evaluates up to 25 important areas in a couple’s relationship including: couple and family systems, personality and age and stage of relationship.

Adapted from www.prepare-enrich.com.au, the Couple Checkup evaluates important areas in a couple’s relationship including eight core scales (i.e. communication, conflict resolution, role relationship and sexual relationship), four couple and family system scales (closeness and flexibility), five personality scales (based on the Big Five Personality Scales), and between four and eight specific scales relevant to the age and stage of the couple based on background questions ( i.e. cohabiting, children from previous relationship, and intergenerational issues).

The Couple Checkup generates deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations restore insight and understanding about one another. The Couple Checkup can help to revive a relationship and increase intimacy.

Tune in for more tips next week… or contact me Shane Smith shane@intentional-relationship.com or @ www.workofheart.net.www.workofheart.net.au

For more information on the use and analysis of the Couple Checkup or to simply use the tool, please contact: www.couplecheckup.com.au #couplecheckup #relationship

 

Take the Couple Checkup

The Couple Checkup generates deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations restore insight and understanding about one another. The Couple Checkup can help to revive a relationship and increase intimacy. 

The Couple Checkup is an online couple assessment based on the PREPARE/ENRICH couple inventories. The Checkup assessment and Checkup report are designed to go directly to couples at any stage of their relationship (dating, engaged or married). The online system allows for dynamic customization of the assessment to each couple based on how the couple answers background questions.

The goal is for the Couple Checkup to reach a more diverse group of couples, to empower couples to deal with issues on their own and to emphasize prevention over remediation.